Today is my last day of the year here in the province.
I still remember that day my father talked to me. It was exactly five days before Christmas. He asked to talk to me at 4. I wondered what it could be. But I tried to think nothing of it.
By 4 I went to his unit. He was eating an orange. He gave me money. “Just a little something to buy gifts.” I was elated. I thought, hey whadyaknow, I got cash. Cool! Little did I know. And then he went on to talk about the situation of the business in the province.
Our manager quit. We need someone out there. We’ve been sending people but it hasn’t been working out. Yadda yadda yadda. Yawn.
“I want you to head our division over there.”
Huh?
“You mean I have to live there?” Anxiety was creeping in.
“Why, do you have to be here? This is business.”
Oh the curse that plagues Chinese families. Duty. Filial piety. More than that God’s word kept ringing in my head. Hupotasso – submit to your authority. Honor your father and mother – this is the first commandment with a promise. I knew that this was from God. Obedience.
The next day my ticket was booked. By the second day of the new year, I started my new role as region head of our exporting business.
I knew that God wanted me here. For reasons I may never know. Perhaps to get me alone with Him. To help me unlearn things that were hindering me in my walk with Him. To expand my borders, take me out of my comfort zone. To reach out to people here, serve in His ministry here. It could be all these or none of it. Only He knows.
But one thing for sure, He revealed a very precious truth to me here – how much He loves me.
Before I left Manila, I met up with a church friend. She asked me why I am hanging on to God. I said, because it’s the only thing that makes sense to me. For her, because she knows how much God loves her.
It was all still head knowledge for me. After walking with him for over a year, serving in church, leading a group, attending various bible studies. So I prayed, Lord, make me feel your Love.
Now I can say this. God loves me. He has been faithful to me even in the smallest of details.
A lot of times in the course of operations here, I can only say, Buti na lang (Good thing!). Good thing the Lord provided. Saved yet again! If not, it would have been a huge problem for me. He did say, do not worry (Matthew 6:25).
He provided a family for me here – my Sunday family (see previous post Windows) and my church family. He knew I needed support.
He got me to do new things – drive (driving in Manila scares me), regularly attend gym (yoga!), take voice lessons (I’ve wanted to do this for a looooong time. I love to sing!).
God knows what He is doing. I love the words of Oswald Chambers, Let Him have His way. Yes Lord, have Your way with me.
I doubt that this will be the last of “pruning” seasons that God has set for me. He wants to pour me out like wine that He may use me. All of life He prunes us ’til we reunite with Him in eternity.
This has been my 2014. I have declared it my Year of Faith.
God, can 2015 be my Year of Love?
Lean Jean 