Impatient and Restless

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It takes over in bouts and cycles. One minute, singleness is a season I’m thankful to be in – enjoying and embracing it like no other. But the next, I get restless. I think of the man I’m praying for and God’s perfect timing. Will he ever come? Is marriage a gift God will ever give to me?

I thought I had gained triumph and victory over this season. Being content and joyful in my present circumstances. And yet, random daily things reveal the impatience hiding in the inner recesses of my heart.

This is the yoke of singleness. 

It goes through peaks and valleys, through joys and struggles unique to it. Just like any other season. Just as in marriage. Just as in life.

 

Paul – The Single Man

Not even Paul was immune to it. In his letter to the church in Corinth, he talked of the hardships and sufferings he went through in preaching the Gospel. And this –

“Who is weak, and I do not feel weak? Who is led into sin,and I do not inwardly burn?” (2 Corinthians 11:29)

This is as real as it gets for Paul in his single state. He struggled just as any of us do. He went through times of weakness, of loneliness, of burning inside.

But he pressed on.

Did he ever thought of giving up? Of leaving this for another life? Of coming home instead to a warm meal and soft bed, to a wife he can share his life with?

Perhaps. We don’t know.

But we do know that he continued to fight the good fight of faith. Perhaps he thought of these things, yes. But perhaps he also thought that none of these compared to the greatness of God’s mission for him. That what this life has to offer paled in comparison to seeing God’s glory in the midst of his suffering.

And just like Paul, I will fight the good fight of faith.

When my heart feels weak and restless, I will look to Jesus. It’s not a yoke of singleness or of marriage. There’s only one yoke that all of us share – the yoke of Christ. And He promised that His yoke is easy and His burden, light.

How can this be?

Because Jesus carries it for us. Let Him.

Celebrating Your Singleness

seasons

Dear Sister-in-Waiting,

I know.

I know it’s hard. I know the days can drag on. I know about all those lonely nights.

I’ve been there.

And I wish it wouldn’t be this hard. But there are days when your heart literally hurts, especially after meeting a promising young man, only for it to turn sour and find out he’s not the one for you.

I know.

And I know you’re tired of people telling you,

“It’s going to happen soon.”

“He’s coming for you.”

“Just be patient and wait.”

So I’m not going to tell you those. Because honestly, I don’t know.

I don’t know if it is going to happen soon.

I don’t know where he is.

And I don’t know how long you’ll have to wait.

So maybe you pray even harder. Read even more. And they tell you,

“Wait on God.”

“Jesus is your Husband.”

“Prepare for your marriage.”

All good advice. But it’s been a year. Or two. Or five. And hope is not what it used to be. It’s dwindling a little.

But I will tell you this:

This season too shall pass.

That I know.

I have been where you are. I read. I prayed. I met new friends. Potentials even. I was expectant. I had high hopes.

I guarded my heart. Took captive of my thoughts. Tried to think only of what was pure, noble and right. But I couldn’t. I thought of marriage. A lot. I thought of potential husbands. A lot.

But, nothing.

And then it hurt. And hurt some more.

But you wake up one day, and you’re ok. Literally, ok.

No longer panicky, no longer anxious. I had peace.

I trusted Jesus. I trusted God. If it is His will, it will happen. He wants this to happen more than I do.

So yes, it will pass. And you will enjoy your singleness like never before. You will see with new eyes, feel with a new heart. You will crave for God just as when you met Him as your First Love. You will want to know Him more, serve Him as He has called you to.

This season is a gift from God. No husband to care for. No kids to run after. Your time is your own. You can focus on your passion for singing. Take up painting. Watch your favorite episode of Friends. Go on road trips.

This is your life. It doesn’t start after marriage. Marriage does not define you. THIS IS YOUR LIFE.

And it’s great to be alive.

So it’s ok. Just hang on to God. With every bit of your might.

Because, my dear Sister-in-Waiting, this too shall pass. And what’s around the corner is worth waiting for.

When (almost) ALL your friends are getting married

In the span of two months, I would have attended five weddings. Two on the same day, twice as a bridesmaid, once as a church reader, and five times wishing it were me over there. Sigh. I’ve got wedding fever! But I know my time down the aisle will come. I just need to trust. In the meantime, here are four tips for surviving and thriving in this season of waiting.

1. Learn from your married friends.

Whenever I get together with my married friends, this question never ceases to pop up: Well? Have you met anyone yet? It doesn’t get old and it doesn’t really bother me. I know they mean well. We joke about it and try to come up with strategies for me to meet someone. How I can pretend to trip or fall over and let the guy catch me. Meet-cute.

But seriously, watching my friends with their husbands and their babies is a great resource for me. I listen to their stories of how they share responsibilities, how they handle different situations, how they interact with one another. It offers me a glimpse into how my future marriage can work.

So use this time to prepare. Ask questions. Listen. Even get some practice with their kids!

2. Meet new single friends.

While hanging out with married friends are great, you can’t escape that great reminder that you’re still single. Now would be a good time to expand your horizon and meet new people! Share this season with ladies who know what you’re going through and swap stories and wisdom along the way.

3. Serve.

Now is the best time to serve in church. We are not preoccupied with things of this world, on how to please our husband (1 Corinthians 7:34). We can focus on the Lord’s work, learn hospitality and serve others. This is good training ground as well for a future wife. Someday we will serve our husbands and children, and hopefully open up our homes to those in need.

Bonus: What better place can you meet single godly men but in ministry and see him in action too!

4. Work on your relationship with God.

Our primary relationship will always be with God. Use this time to be more intimate with God and let Him guide you in this season and prepare you for marriage, if that is His will for you.

“But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” (Matthew 6:33)

Let Him rule our hearts. Only in Christ can we be truly satisfied and not in earthly relationships. Learn to hold loose anything of this world, even romance, family and desires for marriage.

 

 

 

This season of waiting on marriage

I’ve recently kicked my prayers into high gear when it comes to marriage. I’ve been hoping and praying for it for years but it’s only now that I’ve come to that place of also trusting God about it.

There are many views when it comes to waiting on God for marriage:

1. Just wait for it. It’ll come. No need to do anything. You don’t find it. It comes when you least expect it.

My problem with this view is it’s passivity. Of course, you pray about it and trust God but you can’t expect Him to just drop it on your lap. There’s His role and there’s my role. It’s just like praying about finding a new job. You can’t expect a call if you haven’t submitted resumes and gone to interviews right? You have to do your part as well and leave everything else to God.

I’m reminded of this story from Eat, Pray, Love. There was a man who’s been praying to God to win the lottery. Everyday he would pray, Lord, Lord please let me win the lottery. Finally, one day God answers him: OK, but buy a ticket first.

Again, I refer to the term ‘stepping out in faith’. I expect and believe that God will hear me and guide me as I meet new guys and start dating.

2. Jesus is your husband. Just focus on Him and it will come.

Of course, this isn’t entirely wrong. Jesus is the groom and the bride is the Church. We ARE His bride. And it’s also true that we must focus all our being on Him – soul, mind, body and strength – til other people become mere shadows in light of who He is. But if we give off that impression to others that we’re in this super holy season of just between Jesus and me, then they might find this intimidating and may not want to disrupt this season for you.

It all boils down to what God is leading you to in this moment – whether to stay still or to move into action.

3. You shouldn’t want to get married, then maybe it’ll come.

This comes as a guilt feeling that wanting it is bad and you should feel content and happy to be single.

Enjoy whatever season you’re in, whether single or married, no doubt about that. But there is such a thing as holy discontent that leaves room for improvement. If our intentions for getting married is pure, that is to honor God and fulfill His will, then wanting marriage is not a bad thing. The danger is wanting it too much. Then it becomes an idol and that’s another thing you’d have to settle in your heart.

Marriage is a good thing. No less God designed it for His enjoyment and ours. But not everyone is called to it. It’s a gift, a blessing as with anything that He entrusts us with. Some are handed the gift of singleness, some with the gift of marriage. It’s all dependent on His will, that which will purify us and prepare us for eternity with Him. And marriage is not a passport to those pearly gates. A personal relationship with Him is, through Christ. Everything else is secondary.